I’ve come to realize that when a spark comes to write something, I’ve got very little time to transition that spark or idea to words on a screen. How much time? I really don’t know. I don’t like to test it. Most of the time it’s within minutes, even if it means pulling over on the side of the road and typing out in notes on my phone. Sometimes it’s serious business and needs addressed right then and there. I blame COVID.
Like for millions of us, 2020 was a year we’d all like to forget. So much loss, stress, drama, more loss, more stress… it was a merry-go-round of emotional turmoil for some, financial ruin for others, and the loss of one thing we all yearn to have and need…and that is connection. Real connection. A hand shake, a fist bump, a hug, eye-contact in moments that matter, a nod, a gesture, a smile, a smirk, a wink; blowing a kiss and catching it…sure, maybe there’s an emoji for all of that, but it’s just not the same. By not being allowed to be the humans we had been our entire lives, we were forced to sit inside, with ourselves, our kids, our spouses…and wait. Perhaps this was an opportunity to work on yourself, your marriage, get organized, clean the house, do the much needed repairs around the house…ya, this could work, right? Maybe. For some. Those still able to work, whether that be at home or going into the office, but most likely in front of a computer screen, probably wearing pants, in your dining room. Everyday. Five days a week. Not one meeting. One after another, after another, after another….and THIS is you’re lucky enough to have a job. No job. No problem. Draw a little unemployment on the side, and know this’ll all be over soon (said early on 2020 Rham…) ….I blame COVID. No job, unemployment stopped, my investments in drinking increased 78% in a quarter, and productivity was at an all time low. Life was GRAND! July 31, 2020 it was time to finally stop. Lest we forget several very prominent occurrences in 2020 that will be saved for another day were also influencing factors of this major decision, the one to check into a rehabilitation facility for alcohol—July 31, 2020. The journey began. I blame COVID.
For one month I battled withdrawals and demons; met some downright fascinating folks, and learned a whole lot along the way. I learned that I am better than alcohol and I don’t need it to survive or to have a good time. I have no place for it in my life. Just over 6 months later I can proudly say it was the best decision I’ve made in my entire life. I still have a long road ahead, perhaps a lifetime of memories of times past. There is some good ones, and I’ll remember those always. But onward! A new future is ahead. In this new future, I must navigate a life without alcohol with the same stresses that I left at the door on July 31st. Still no job. I picked up part time work as a barista in training at a local coffee shop, still there today, and love every minute of it, unfortunately, minutes only turn into a few hours here and there at best and I’ve had a quarantine a number of times. Knock on wood, I’ve never had the virus, but I’ve felt the direct impact of it from a work/financial stand point too many times to count. So, where did that leave me? Back home again, that proud space you call the “home office” that sounded like a cool idea at first, now you get a sick feeling in your gut every time you pass by the room, so then you change rooms, and before you know it it’s your whole house. One might think some rooms are off limits…it’s all about lighting and camera angle, folks…#protip But, yet again, there I was, at home, not working, only this time, no alcohol to hang beside me throughout the day. Just me and my thoughts. SO I got to thinking, sure I blame COVID for a lot of things, more to come I’m certain, but perhaps instead, I am embracing COVID, praying for a safe and secure delivery of a vaccine that works, hoping…hoping…hoping for that better day that I know is there. I just want to see it in my lifetime, with those I love surrounding me, footloose and mask-free!
February 1, 2021 day one of my new job at the Good Samaritan Clinic as the Captain of Communications. I’m vey excited about the opportunity to LOVE FORT SMITH OUT LOUD with an incredible non-profit organization. This position fits me and couldn’t have come at a better time in my life. I thank God and I think my tribe. Couldn’t life without either.
COVID forced me into situations and moved me in directions that I may not have been steered into otherwise. How I spent my time during these days of the COVID existence is going to define how I move forward and when. Timing is everything. It’s scary out there, damn skippy, but hope resides, and hope is where I want to be. If I can do anything to get us there faster, sign me up. COVID made it easier for me to not be tempted by the urge to go out, to bars, clubs, restaurants, concerts, festivals, …all places where temptation loomed. I wanted to but because of the situation with the sickness, we stayed in, socially distanced as much as possible and as best we could stand. So as long as I just kept the beer out of the fridge, I was good to go. Easier said than done, but it’s done. I’m done. I blame COVID.
I blame COVID.
-Rham Cunningham