Rham’s Captain’s Log, Final Days of my last first

Seems like a dark title. It’s really not. It’s one for me to easily Google in 10 years and find words from myself 10 years prior and remember, “oh ya, I ‘member that time in my life.” That’s what I’ve done a great deal of these past (well, at  the moment I am writing these words) 362 days. And over the course of those days it has been a book of emotion that one goes through, well, one I went through, everyone has a different journey, a different path. Some make it easy on themselves, others, like myself, like to touch the stove. Ah, the famous stove. It’s there. It’s clearly hot, but like that apple tree in the garden of Eden it begs to be touched, kicked, slapped, licked, eaten….all things. I mean look at that stove, WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO TOUCH IT?!! It’s beauty standing there all proud-like because it think it’s too good to be touched. Not sure? Touch it. See what happens. It’ll let you know it’s there, but question is, can you handle the heat?? See that’s what it gets down to in my mind twistys up top, the stove was meant to be touched, but only by those who are willing to take the heat. I’ve taken a considerable amount of heat in my day, and one can’t argue most was of the self-inflicted pedigree however regret is a hair shirt that I will not wear, well not every day anyway. See touching the stove is why I am where I am today. But let me explain. I’m not suggesting that I an “always and forever risk-task, cliff diver, extreme sports, live life on the edge, jump on bouncey houses in Converse…kind of guy… But, am I ish that? I’d say so. I do things sometimes that a 41 year old shouldn’t do. For that I blame having a 6 year old who makes me feel 21. Can’t help it. I love it. But as I dove deeper in my thought recollection season 1 of being one year of no alcohol, I put a lot of thought into the stoves that I touched, specifically one stove, the hottest of them all, but one I kept my hand on relentlessly. Like I liked the burn, I needed the burn. It no longer hurt, well, at first. You find yourself numb to the burn one day, but I can promise you I was still on fire, and it was still hot, and I wouldn’t take my hand off of it. I saw the effects the heat from the stove was causing, so I held on tighter, because that seems logical at the time….but then, on July 31, 2020, I removed my hand from the stove for the first time in 21 years give or take a year or two (what?? I was drunk?!!) and I stepped away from the stove…suddenly, all at once, turned my back to that which has been such a big part of my life and walked away. Sounds simple huh? I’m not going into detail on the next phase of one quitting the drink …yet… it’ll get hairy and I’m on a different tract today. What one is that? Celebrating Saturday, 7/31, with my friends and family, playing cornhole at the Bakery District….and not drinking. One year down. I still see the stove. Oh, I imagine that cast iron ‘sum bitch will be around for a long time. I may put something on it for decoration. Maybe something from my ole stove touchin’ days. I think I have enough shot glasses to feed milk to 10 or 12 litters of kittens, I mean, the ones that won’t latch…is that a thing? (imma call Jen’s Kitty Rehab see if I can help there…)  What after that? Wherever the world takes me I suppose. I understand that the path we are currently on is one that is some of our choosing, none of our choosing, in our control and out. I know that how we travel that path, and who and what we take with us will define how we feel on any given day. I know I love this feeling I have right now. I know I’ll never drink again. Are those two things related? Um,

Yes. For me. Yes.


So what does “last first” refer? My last first time to celebrate a birthday, or a holiday, or a special event….without drinking. I still have plenty of “first thing to do” –at least in a while—while not drinking. I’m pretty stoked to explore these areas as there are many. I did a lot in 21 years, I’ve got a lot to “re-do” not drunk– Ha!

If it’s Friday when you’re reading this, hopefully I put on ne helluva performance Thursday night at comedy night at The Bakery District. If not, just carry on. Peacemaker Music Fest this weekend…HOT AF but a GREAT weekend to get up, get out, and LOVE FORT SMITH OUT LOUD!


Oh, and one more thing: